Welcome all!

This is a blog about a little boy named Vern.

When my brother was in elementary school, he had thoughts about the world, a great number of which were either absurd or vaguely unsettling. He wrote them all down in his class journals, where his elderly teacher eventually ran across them. In the months that followed, she called our parents in for a series of rather desperate conferences in which she bestowed upon them her professional opinion about their son: Vern was either retarded or severely emotionally disturbed and would most likely need to be held back a grade...at least until they figured out with the hell was wrong with him.

Somehow, the kid managed to fall in line by the end of the year. In fact, it wasn't long before a complete reversal of fortunes occured and he was recommended for placement in the gifted and talented program. Today, Vern is a thoroughly functional seventeen-year-old with above-average academic abilities and a bright future.

But those old journals are still around, a testament to the maladjusted little nip he once was.

I now present to you some excerpts from the diary of an unabashedly bizarre elementary schooler.